The Advice Rack

“What you need to do is. . .

make your point with emphasis! Pound your fist on the table!

Try it! It will work.”

I received this advice - unsolicited - to “deal with” a consultant who had egregiously overstepped their boundaries, left a mess for me to clean up, and derailed my work for a few days. I was, unsurprisingly, upset, and the advice was offered by a senior partner in a firm somewhere “back there” in my past.

I tried it.

It felt awful.

It wasn’t me.

The consultant was mortified.

It worked – sort of – and I hated every moment of it and never repeated it.

And I have, on more than one occasion, wished I could go back to that consultant and talk through what happened.

“I need your advice”. The request comes often enough, and in many forms – “what would you do…” “What should I do…”

And while flattering - why seek - or accept - used, second-hand “advice” that may have been applicable to another situation with a different cast of characters for someone with a different set of strengths and values?

It’s like going to a rack of used clothes.

If you are selective, you might indeed find a gem, or an inspiration.

However, grabbing an item and wearing it because someone you respect and admire wore it - or told you to wear it (“what you need to/ should do is…”) might not (probably won’t) work: It may not fit. It may be a dreadful colour on you. It may be completely wrong for the climate or the circumstances. It might feel awful and look worse. And if we continue to “put on” advice that isn’t our own, tailored to our unique situations, we run the risk of losing sight of ourselves: at some point the person donning all those ill fitting pieces becomes lost “in there” somewhere.

Here’s the thing.

There is no shortage of well intentioned individuals who love to provide tons of advice – requested or not.

They may well have experiences and observations to share.

Their experiences may be similar to yours.

All those experiences and perspectives may well be of value.

And none of them may fit your situation.

All these well intentioned individuals have their strengths – which aren’t yours; They have their own individual approaches and ways of thinking – which are not yours. Few likely know the players within your situation, or from your perspective, or have your insight as to how these individuals might respond.

So rather than taking the approach “That’s what I need to do (or wear)” because it worked for “that impressive person whom I respect”, and taking action prescribed by someone else and finding yourself doing and saying things that just feel wrong – MY Advice (yep. Me too!): Use the advice rack as inspiration. Examine the styles and fabrics and textures and approaches that have worked. Be selective. All may help you determine the best thing to do - for you in your situation.

And then, design your own “best fit”.