Learning
“Ya gotta do like the book says” – a typical comment in our house when a new recipe is attempted and under-inspires. If not jettisoned, modifications to the recipe will happen later, after the evaluation and discussion on what might be better.
You can read all the books available on the topic of your choice. It is in finding/ developing your own solutions, proving to yourself they are effective, that they will “stick”. Training might work if there is hands-on practice – but even then, training is based on theoretical situations that may not fit your circumstances.
To illustrate: A few years ago a special person in my life was, at 3, an expert in his favourite boredom-crushing activity: seeing how far into space he could send his mum. (He admitted it. He did it for entertainment.) I had read many parenting books and a recent read recommended pacing for the frazzled parent on the edge of a rash reaction.
On this particular, clearly boring, morning he had done something - I don’t recall what –likely a string of button pushing trials. The result: he succeeded and I lost it. And so, I did like the book said: I picked him up from whatever he was doing, plunked him in a safe space against the wall, growling “stay there”. He was startled and watched with curiosity as I began to pace.
We had a small main floor, all one large room, 15 paces from entrance to back door. I marched the steps off, arms pumping, “ONE!” I barked, pivoted and marched back to the entrance, near where he sat.
“TWO” I growled, pivoting again and marched back to the back door.
On “Three” I heard an odd noise from his direction. Sort of like a snort.
On “four” it was clearly a giggle.
By “six” he was laughing hard – in that wonderful way little-kids laugh – and I suddenly saw how funny I must appear from his perspective. The fury vanished, my pacing lost its meaning and I joined him. The two of us sat side by side on the floor and laughed so hard I forgot what it was that had me so steamed up.
Books and training are helpful, and it is in the trying - the doing – where the real learning happens. Where evaluation and adaption to the circumstances strengthen the behaviour or result in a dismissal “that doesn’t work for me”. (My Learning this particular morning? It was multi-faceted! That a good laugh can cure anger; and If I couldn’t remember what the trigger of the anger was after a good laugh, it wasn’t worth the energy spent on being angry. I learned to evaluate the aggravation from the perspective of “energy required to alter it”. And, if someone is getting bored, and I am the care giver, I’d better do something about it. The most valuable learning was to let the emotion go once the situation is done. Kids do that really well. )
You can read all the books available on the topic of your choice. It is in finding/ developing your own solutions, proving to yourself they are effective, that they will “stick”. Coaching can be that learning accelerator:
Just as I saw myself from my son’s eyes, a coach provides that external perspective that can helps you re-frame your situation: Additionally coaches support you as you explore solutions that fit your situation, challenge your perspectives, and then support your design for the path of action that fits. They will help you utilize your solution, build on it and refine it until you are confident and comfortable with your new skill. Coaches are thinking partners, added brain-power to your situation and provide safe alternative perspectives.